Dr Funke’s 10 Step Guide: Potty Training Toddlers

1. Relax!

Before considering potty training your child, you need to ask yourself, ‘Am I ready?’ So often, the focus is on the child having to be ready. You will need to be mentally ready to guide your toddler through one of their most important milestones.

Avoid training your toddler if you have a busy schedule, as you will become frustrated in the process and this can have a knock-on effect. Potty training your child at home is ideal. If you have just moved home, changed jobs, or experiencing morning sickness with your new pregnancy, do not plan to potty train. Make sure things are calm within your home. Do not treat potty training as a boot camp exercise. Your child does not need to feel like they are an army cadet! Be prepared for potty training to take a few months.

2. Is your Child Ready?

Now that you are relaxed and ready to go, the next question to ask yourself, ‘Is my child ready?’ Some parents panic and start potty training when their child is not ready. I don’t know any child who graduates from high school in nappies. So don’t rush your child unnecessarily.

Between 18 and 24 months, children show signs of potty training. However, some may be ready earlier or later than this. Boys often start later and take longer to learn to use the potty than girls. But the key point is that eventually, your child will pick up the skills to go to toilet independently; unless there are underlying issues that need to be considered.

So how can you tell if your child is ready? Here are some key indicators:

• They are able to follow simple instructions
• They understand words about the toileting process
• They can verbally express the need to go to the toilet
• They keep their nappy dry for 2 hours or more and awake with the occasional dry nappy
• They can get to the potty, sit on it, and then get off it
• They are able to pull down their nappies or training pants independently.

Word of warning! Do not compare your younger child to your older child. Each of your children have a unique identity. When we compare our children in this way, we are indirectly telling them they are not good enough.

3. Get the right Equipment

Once you have identified that your child is ready, it’s now time to get the right equipment. Potties are easier to use than a traditional toilet. Stand-alone potties are ideal in size for toddlers and are available in a range of colours. Why not help your child to personalize their potty by writing their name or placing their favourite stickers on it. 

Get a potty that your child can practice sitting on. It's usually best for boys to first learn to use the potty by sitting down before learning to urinate standing up.
An alternative option to potties is a special adapter seat that attaches to a regular toilet. This will enable your child to feel at ease when you begin the training. You could take your child along and ask him or her to choose their potty or adapter seat. If buying an adapter seat buy a stool too!

Please note: When purchasing your equipment, look out for parts that may potentially hurt your child when they are using it!

4. Explain the Process

Now that you have purchased your equipment, it’s a good time to explain to your child the connection between when they ‘pee’ and ‘poo’ in their nappies. There are numerous toddler-level books about children being potty trained. Potty training feels more natural and less stressful to a child who they have been exposed to the process. Explain to them in simple language that they understand.
You can get your child to read the book while sitting on the potty. When they ‘poop’ in their nappy, take them to their potty, sit them down on it (without their nappy) and tell them gently that next time when they poop they should use the potty.

5. Routine and Demonstration

Try catching them in the act of pooping. Most kids are regular as to the time of day they tend to have a bowel movement.
There are clues that children show when they need to use the toilet:

• Their faces turn red
• They may squat
• They may grunt

You may want to set yourself a timer to prompt your child. For example every 20 minutes after they have eaten a meal you may take them to the party for them to sit on. This is the body's natural tendency to have a bowel movement. Known as gastro colic reflex.

Understand your child signals of when they want to go to the toilet or encourage them to develop a habit of when going to the toilet is crucial in the process of potty training.

You may want to put your child on the potty once a day fully clothed to get them used to sit on it. Some children like this process. But there are those who find this a little uncomfortable. Do not force your child to sit on the potty let them wander and let them for free and they will eventually go back to potty.

Your can show your child how you sit on the toilet and explain what you're doing. Children always model what we do. You can also get your child to sit on the potty seat and watch while you (or a sibling) use the toilet. Children learn by imitation of watching people. This is called Modelling Behavior. If you have a son you could explain to him that when he grows up, he will be able to go to the toilet like his father, grandfather or big brother. If you have an older sibling it may be helpful for them to demonstrate how to use the potty when they were younger. Children like to copy those who are closer in age to them.

6. Night time Training

Until your child is reliably dry during the daytime, please leave a nappy on at night. One suggestion is to wait until their bladder muscles are developed enough to hold their urine when they are asleep. Please don't worry yourself about night-time toilet training just yet. The main focus is helping your child learn how to go to the toilet during the day. It's important not to punish your child if they make a mess. It's from their accidents that they learn how to do things better. If you punish your child you are sending the wrong signals and you can delay the process of potty training. That is why step 1 is crucial. You need to be in a relaxed and calm manner when potty training your child.
When you are ready to start night potty training, don’t give your child any liquids an hour before they are due to go to bed!

7. Accidents: Learn to be Patient

This process can be difficult and an emotionally charged time for both you and your child. Setbacks will happen! The key point is this is new for your child and too much information or too much scolding would just cause more disappointment. Handle setbacks gracefully. Accidents do not mean that you have failed. Help your child to understand what is going on in their body and the importance of them using the potty. Be extremely calm when cleaning up their mess. This could be a time that you could ask them what you should do based on the accident that happened. And encourage talking back and telling you what they would do next time when they want to go to the toilet. By doing this, helping them to understand what they need to do. Nevertheless, it's important that you remain calm when talking with your child.

Make sure all of your child's caregivers — including grandparents, nannies, house help follow the same routine and use the same names for body parts and bathroom acts. Explain to them how you wish to potty train your child and ask that they use the same methods as you!

8. Offer Praise and Rewards

Indeed accidents will happen. Try and ignore accidents and give positive attention to when they manage to use the potty. Don't make such a big deal about using the potty or pressurize your child. To enable them to feel confident in using the potty turn things around in that you offer Praise and Rewards. You can make up a Jar, full of all the things that your child likes. Every time they able to say that they want to go to the toilet or use the potty to ‘pee’ or ‘poop’ reward them!

You may want to make or buy a reward chart. There are numerous ideas on the Internet to help you achieve this. Place the chart where your child can see it easily and access it. It's all about making potty training fun. You only get to do this once in their life.
Never take a reward away from your child if they have an accident.

9. Teach proper Hygiene

Now that you've gone through the steps, the next point is about teaching hygiene. It's a big challenge to get your child to start using the toilet. One thing you have to recognize is teaching your child how to use the toilet independently and using public toilets too! Now is the time to teach them hygiene, how to wash their hands when they are out. 

It’s also important to teach children how to clean themselves after using the toilet. Teaching them hygiene at this age prepares them for when they go to Playgroup, Nursery or Reception.

10. Warning signs-Constipation!

Some children do not have a balanced nutritional diet. Vegetables and whole-grain foods are absent and they don't get enough exercise. The lack of these can have an impact on your child's bowel movement. If your child has difficulty trying to release their bowels this will put them off the whole potty training process. Imagine they have to sit on the potty and push, if their stools are too hard this can lead them to avoid releasing their bowels in their potty. The problem with children not releasing their bowels daily is that it builds up inside causing them discomfort.

Most parents don't realize that their child is suffering from constipation. Look at your child's poo, if it is like pellets then this is a sign that your child is constipated. One goal is to encourage your child to have better bowel movements is to drink more water and eat fruits and vegetables. If things do not improve visit your doctor to advise you accordingly.

Final note

If your child is at Nursery or Kindergarten make sure that you inform their teachers that you are potty training your child. It's important that you all work together! Teachers are extremely busy dealing with other children. So it would help the teacher to support your child if they know beforehand. It's also a good idea to use the same reward stickers used at home in school too, so that the reward systems are consistent.

Well done you did it!

By Dr Funke Baffour-Awuah
Head of Counselling and Support
Al-Rayan International School